“I don’t have anything I need to work on,” said the student.
It wasn’t a cocky or defiant answer. Just a matter of fact response to a question we posed to each of the students during our individual planning sessions with them. In addition to asking them about their strengths and interests, we asked what they thought they needed to improve on. We asked for one thing. This particular student had nothing, while most listed at least three or four items.
Our typical students went on at length about how they wanted to use their notes less, make more eye contact, or connect with their audience. They wanted to use gestures, move around on stage, or figure out how to make the audience laugh. Though they struggled to find more than one or two good things to say about their public speaking skills, they had no trouble creating a long to-do list for improvement. They were hard on themselves, critical.
Sharon and I work to help these typical students recognize that they have more than one or two strengths. And then we encourage them to focus on just one item they want to improve. All the while, we are trying to promote and maintain that key ingredient: the desire to improve. We don’t want them to get overwhelmed. Although they are all unique, these students benefit from the same basic approach. These are the students who are easy to help.
And then we get this: “I don’t have anything I need to work on.”
What do you do with these kids? They’re a minority, but every semester we have one or two. Maybe they’re insecure and overcompensating. Or maybe they just have a wealth of self confidence. We’re not psychologists and we can only guess. We start by framing this overconfidence as a strength, best illustrated by a story from a friend of mine.
Her daughter, who was 8 at the time, would look in the mirror and say, “I’m so beautiful!” Wouldn’t you discourage this? Wouldn’t you worry about her turning into a vain adult that nobody could stand? Not my friend. She let her be. To me, she explained, “She’ll never feel this way again in her life. In a few years, she’ll be in middle school and feel ugly all the time.” What a gift. To feel confident and beautiful without question for a time. No concerns about how your friends or society define beauty.
Look at your speakers who declare themselves ‘beautiful’. You know that they are not. They may have a whole list of faults you could point out to them. Instead, you seek the key ingredient. You want to instill that desire to improve in this overconfident kid. Your approach is very similar to that of your traditional student. You do have to work a little harder, but it’s the same three basic steps:
- Acknowledge their strengths. Make sure you spend a lot of time on this. Validate their feelings of worth as a speaker. Realize that their confidence may be slightly annoying, but it’s a strength as well.
- Tell them they can be even better. Who can resist that carrot? And the confident speaker who wants to improve will rock.
- Celebrate their successes. Even the overconfident need reassurance.
If, after all your work, your student is less than enthusiastic about improving, you need to assess whether you want them to continue with your group in the next session. The unmotivated speaker is a drain on your whole group. But that’s a topic for another post. For now, do your darndest to get them motivated to achieve an even higher level of success with public speaking.
Perhaps most importantly, what is your motivation? Why should you pour time and energy into this overconfident and perhaps slightly annoying student? Here are three good reasons:
- The student may be truly insecure, covering up with overconfidence, and only needs your help and guidance to grow and blossom.
- The attitude of each student in your group contributes to the overall atmosphere. You are helping not only this student, but others as well by default. An unmotivated student can bring your whole group down.
- The world needs more great speakers. You can help by influencing this one student. Countless future audiences will have you to thank.
Your challenge? Don’t be put off by a lack of humility. Don’t dismiss your overconfident speakers. Recognize that, no matter why they are overconfident, you can help them. Your efforts will make the world a better place.
How do you work with overconfident students? We’d love to hear your thoughts on how you seek to positively influence them.
All the best, Sarah
P.S. The ‘beautiful’ 8 year old is now a lovely, kind, and likeable college student.